Best Short Funny Jokes That Women Will Like

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.

Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.

So my friend is dating twins...

...And I said, "Isn't it hard to tell them appart?" He replied with, "Well not really, the brother has a moustache."

So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye...

It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.

Did you know I'm dating a dental hygienist?

She has the cleanest teeth I've ever come across.

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

What's the dating scene like at MIT?

Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

What's the best part about dating a black girl?

Not having to wait for her downstairs with her father.

Whats the best thing about dating a girl into zoophilia?

Your best friend gets laid too.

Dating is a lot like fishing

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again

And I don't know if I should tell him.

You can explore dating dtf reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dating date with blonde dad jokes. There are also dating puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire

6 months ago I was a billionaire.

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

What's a redneck's favorite dating website?

Ancestry.com

Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side.

What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

You can just drop her off anywhere.

What is Josh Duggar's second favorite dating website after Ashley-Madison?

Ancestry.com

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

I recently came out as pansexual.

But I'm only attracted to cast iron.

I've tried dating teflon, but it never sticks.

I guess it's true what they say:

"Once you go black, you never go back"

I've been dating a homeless girl

So I've been dating this homeless girl.

Things are getting pretty serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

What is a huge benefit of dating an Ethiopian girl?

You know they'll swallow

I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious...

She's asked me to move out with her...

I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.

After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.

Getting caught dating someone underage isn't a big problem.

It's a minor problem.

My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating...

Apparently jealous was not the right answer.

Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages

For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

What's the best part about dating a black girl?

You don't have to meet her father.

Dating a homeless girl

I can just drop her off anywhere after the date right?

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.

He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.

And Brian has a cock.'

A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.

"What?" says the woman.

When is being an "Alpha" not a good thing in the dating world?

When you are a type of radiation. No one wants someone who can't penetrate well.

My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."

Dad, you're using Uber.

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

After dating for 2 months, she started saying she wanted to meet my parents,

Baby chill I waited for 9 months before I met my own parents

I love dating blind girls

You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

Just been banned from a Christian dating website.

Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!

I'm dating an Italian bricklayer.

It's cement to be.

The girl I'm dating likes to answer the phone during sex

I think I'm going to stop calling her...

I was looking for a Dating Simulator on Steam.

It said "Sorry, no matches found."

The level of realism is incredible.

After divorcing from my ten year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I'd forgotten I had.

Mainly when I smiled.

Dating women is like squaring numbers

If they're under 15, just do them in your head.

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

Had to dump her tho. She was seeing someone on the side.

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK Stupid.

How do you know archeologists are lonely?

Theyre always coming up with new dating techniques.

I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

I'm dating the neighbor.

A young female tells her mother.

- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"

-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?

-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-Yes, I am, mum!
-But he could be your father!
-Age does not matter, mum!
-That's not what I meant.

Why don't archeologists get married?

They are only interested in dating.

I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex.

She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.

What's the best thing about dating 26 year olds?

Honestly I'm looking for a persuasive answer, I need to tell my wife something convincing or she's going to straight up kill me.

My girlfriend told me love means nothing to her

That's what I get for dating a tennis player.

Dating a girl that has a child...

... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

I'm starting a new dating service in Prague.

It's called Czech-Mate.

A woman woke up in the middle of the night and found that her husband wasn't there beside her.

She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.

"Honey, what's wrong?, she asked.

He replied, "Well do you remember when we were dating?"

"Yes"

"And do you remember the first time we had sex?"

She smiled and answered, "Of course."

"And you remember how your Dad caught us."

She laughed and replied, "Oh god, yeah!"

"And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn't marry you?"

"Uh huh. What of it?", she asked.

He let out a sad sigh, "I would have gotten out today..."

My wife asked me, Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents' house.

A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door

The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad

And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares

I think you misunderstood me

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...

…that means no sex before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.

‟Hello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand

A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks ‟And why is that?

The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… ‟Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.

A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow! Your gorgeous, how come your still single?"

"It's spelled 'you're'," I replied.

I was dating a schizophrenic chick and

I left her cause she was seeing other people

I started dating a girl who loves soccer

She's a keeper

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I've started a dating site for chickens.

It's not my full-time job, I'm just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"

He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."

"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"

"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago."

A girl I was dating invited me over to her place. When I went into her room, she had a Soviet banner draped on her wall. I left immediately.

It was a big red flag.

What is a a bisexual person doing when they're not dating anybody?

They're on standbi

There's a new goth dating app called graveyard.

Instead of liking someone, you dig them.

(putting the romance back in necromance.)

What dating app do lumberjacks use?

Timber

I've started a dating app for chickens.

It's not my main job though, just to makes hens meet.

I found out that the girl I'm dating is a gold digger

Idk how to tell her but I don't like gold diggers. It's not safe for her mentally as well as physically and the mine she works at doesn't give them health insurance or anything. What should I do?

She was dating a cartographer

Their relation went south.

Stole this one: I'm starting a dating app for transmascs and nonbinaries

It's called Bindr

My 12yo son hasn't hit his growth spurt, and was asked out by a girl. "But dad, she's too tall!" he complained. I replied, there's two great things about dating a taller girl:

Hugs.

(He blushed and walked a away. Got him!)

My friend doesn't like dating apps.

Maybe they should try dating people.

My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her.

I said "Son, she's a keeper."

Archaeologists suck at relationships...

... that's why they are dating dinosaours

Guess who Lady Gaga is dating . . .

Gentleman Googoo.

I've recently started dating my bank account

They didn't like me at first, but they've slowly gathered interest

colontexprolven1979.blogspot.com

Source: https://jokojokes.com/dating-jokes.html